As a woman with a Jewish father and a mother who was raised Catholic, I have sometimes felt a bit confused about my identity. Even when those around me made assumptions based on my last name, my mannerisms, or my complexion, I have typically thought of myself as “half” Jewish, “fake” Jewish. Each year as the holidays ramp up, I am reminded of this split nature as I go about my movements—twinges of guilt as I fawn over a picture book about a mouse who becomes Santa’s helper; pride when I know the answer to a coworker's question about when Hanukkah starts (Dec. 18); shame at the knowledge that Christmas was the far more anticipated holiday when I was young.
This year, more so than in holiday seasons past, these daily reminders have called me to explore my Jewish heritage. As part of this exploration, I picked up People Love Dead Jews (W.W. Norton, 2021), a collection of essays documenting the experiences of both well- and lesser-known living and historical Jews by novelist Dara Horn. More than just a provocative title, Horn’s essays point out our society’s tendency to venerate historical Jewish victims while turning a blind eye to antisemitism. As an example, she examines our attachment to Anne Frank and supposes that had Frank survived to write about the horrors of the camps, we likely would not celebrate her as we do today.
We are fortunate in the Upper Valley—we are mostly tolerant and kind people. While it is admittedly difficult to find an attractive menorah in a local shop (I know because I tried last year), the Jewish community in the Upper Valley is relatively robust when compared to other parts of our historically Protestant region. But we are not immune to hatred; just two years ago, someone shot the lights out of the menorah on the Dartmouth green. Last spring, charges were dropped against the first suspect. So perhaps it’s not just the holidays—as antisemitic attacks become more and more visible, it feels urgent that I engage with my Jewishness.
In pointing out the way that innocent, victimized, dead Jews are held up while antisemitism is so largely excused by our culture, Horn argues for the importance of being a living Jew. I’m not sure where my exploration of Jewish culture and religion will lead. But I do know that Still North will be selling menorahs this year.
Allie Levy owns and runs Still North Books & Bar in Hanover.