Every year by early February, I find myself deep in the Blahs, and this year I am deeper than normal. No matter how good I am about getting outdoors or connecting with loved ones or sitting in front of my “happy light,” the Blahs faithfully arrive with all their nothingness. It was in this state that I found The Wedding People by Alison Espach.
The book begins with Phoebe, our main character, arriving at a gorgeous Newport hotel to check in for just one night with a plan to kill herself. Waiting in the hotel lobby, Phoebe realizes she is the only person who is not there for a wedding. When the bride herself mistakes Phoebe for a wedding guest, Phoebe is pulled, most unwillingly, away from rock bottom and into the world of the “Wedding People.”
I came into this book a skeptic, and, honestly, remained one for the first few chapters. With tough themes like depression, it is hard to know whether an author will wilt into oversimplifications or platitudes, or stand firm in nuance. The opening of the book made me wonder which way the writing would go, but I was rewarded for pushing through.
Where I think Espach gets it right, why this book works, is that the throughline in Phoebe's story is not that she is trying to recover from “wanting to die.” Instead, Phoebe’s story is learning how to lean into the gnawing feeling of actually wanting to live - a quest that involves embracing herself and the Wedding People. The characters are complex and sympathetic, even when you want to shake them, and I finished the book feeling acutely in love with the human condition because of them.
It is so human, I think, to want. It may be the most human thing we can do, and the wanting follows us, eats at us most, when we ignore it. What does it look like to reconnect with that feeling after ignoring it for so long? How can we reconnect with ourselves by connecting with those around us? These are the questions of this book - ones I found deeply hopeful as it continues to be February, continues to be cold, continues to be a bit lighter for a bit longer each day.
Michaela Lavelle loves people, books, and spaces where those things can come together. She is the Director of the Quechee/Wilder Libraries in Hartford and can be found playing volleyball, taking long walks, or attempting to bake without a recipe when she is not in the stacks.